I’m stranded in an airport due to a canceled flight, and currently pushing a decapitated muffin on Perl, who keeps shoving the muffin back across the table with a cross facial expression. 

I’m sorry, but no one needs their own nation state in the middle of Sri Lanka.  If Hindus don’t like being the minority in a Buddhist country, they should drive like 3 miles north, to India, where there are approximately 800 million Hindus.